I had a fascinating discussion yesterday about something called the “orgasm gap.” I talk about this all the time but yesterday I learned it actually has a scientific name. Fancy!

The gap in question is this: men cum relatively easily and do nearly every time they have sex; women, on the hand….well, you mamas know what the deal is with women. Let’s just say it’s less than every time. A LOT less.

The orgasm gap is something I see constantly in my office, women lamenting the fact that orgasming is a rare and special thing. Or worse, women who’ve never had one! My favorite story is when I asked a new client how she likes to cum, she replied she wasn’t sure. Hmmm, ok….time to get really real. “Love,” I asked her, “have you ever cum?” She shrugged “I think so?” Ummmm…..ok, no. Just…no. “Sexy mama,” I said, “I’m sorry but you’ve never had an orgasm because when you do, there is no mistaking it. There is no “I think so.” YOU WILL KNOW.” Right?!

Which brings me back to this pleasure gap between men and women…

There is no good reason why men get to have an orgasm every time they have sex and we women don’t. Is it harder for lots of us? Yes, definitely. That’s because 70% of us, 70 PERCENT Y’ALL (!!!), need clitoral stimulation to orgasm (quiet down, unicorns, who can come merely from intercourse with no outside help). Another fun fact? The clitoris is the only human body part made EXPRESSLY FOR PLEASURE; it has no other function except to make you orgasm. Penis’s do other things. Clitoris’s don’t. Think about that, mamas: if women have something that’s sole purpose is sexual release and pleasure, why does an orgasm gap even exist?! It’s not that women can’t cum. We can! So much so that we have a body part exclusively dedicated to it! In short: women were MADE to cum.

So why then does this absurd gap even exist? Simple and sad. Women haven’t made their orgasm a priority in bed. Full stop. Instead, we have cared too much about him and how he’s enjoying it and by doing so we’ve accepted orgasm-less sex as tolerable.

Mamas…sex should never, ever be merely “tolerable.” It isn’t a dental visit; it’s SEX for god’s sake! The only thing our vaginas should find “tolerable” is birth. Anything else happening down there should be AMAZING. It’s patently unfair and grossly misogynistic to think that women should just lay down for unfulfilling sex. I call bullshit on that entire way of thinking and want all my Flirty Girls to do that same. Time to put YOUR orgasm at the top of hit list. YOU should be cumming EACH and EVERY time you have sex. You know he gets to and damnit, so should you. And if you don’t, well, then you better be having a damn good time trying to.

The way to bridge your personal gap is twofold:

First, figure out HOW you need to cum. Get intimate with yourself. Grab your vibrator and explore what makes you go whoa. We all like different things. Are you part of the 70% and need clitoral stimulation (me!)? Is your g-spot where you are most sensitive (not me!)? A certain position do it for you (yup!)? How about anal play while having sex (sometimes!)? Nothing should be off limits if it brings you to the promised land.

Second, and this is kind of the annoying part, we have to actually start DOING the answers to those questions. So many clients know they need clitoral stimulation to orgasm but they get lazy in bed and either don’t ask for it or don’t take the initiative to handle it themselves via an enhancement like a sex toy. Women have to stop being lazy. The only person loosing out here is us. It’s no wonder he wants to have sex 24/7; he’s orgasming every time! You would want to have sex more too if you were enjoying it as much as he does.

And that right there is the dirty little secret about women and sex: if we enjoy it, if we orgasm every time we do it, we want more of it. Guess what happens when we have more sex in our relationships? They get better and more intimate. Well beyond the bedroom. 

Rumor has it America is starting an infrastructure plan to fix our bridges and roads. Let’s jump on the bandwagon and start our own bridge repair plan for more consistent orgasms in bed. Fire up the jackhammer, sexy mamas. It’s time to make some much needed improvements.

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