I’ve been doing so much thinking lately. My therapist would say too much thinking, actually. And lots of this ruminating has been about you guys…the women I talk to everyday and help and advise and commiserate with. And how I don’t want this to be a blog where I just moan and complain because that’s just self-indulgent and honestly, that’s what diaries and journals are for, right? Which is why I’ve been thinking long and hard and silently (I haven’t posted in a months) about how to be genuine and honest without being whiny or depressing. Not sure I’ve entirely come up with a solution but I’m going to soldier on, and probably stumble, as I work my way through all this….STUFF.
But even amid all this grossly self-centered analysis, I’ve been thinking a lot about sex (this should shock no one). What turns us on…what turns us off…what scares us enough to try it…what scares us so much we freak out. These are kinds of things I love spending time analyzing because they’re really so insightful. They tell us so much about ourselves and I kinda love that about sex. Underrated aspect to the whole thing, I must say.
A few weeks ago, I had a group of amazing women in the Boudoir. Some were moms, some weren’t. Some had been with their partner for over a decade. Some were newly married. When a group is diverse like this, I try to find the common denominator among them…what do we all feel universally and how can we all connect. I’ve come to understand that doing this makes women feel safe and one of the often overlooked secrets of sisterhood is this: if women feel safe, they will be brave enough to share and it’s through sharing that we, even me, the teacher, learn the most.
That’s REALLY why women come to me, right? To learn? What toys to use. How to amp up date night. Ways to wear lingerie more places than just the bedroom. How to feel sexier more often.
But what always astounds me in these settings is how much I learn from these other women. Once the space we are all in is secure, meaning once everyone in the room feels safe and seen, the ideas and information just start FLYING. It’s like a bag of fireworks starts going off. One sexy mama is teaching her couch-mate about anal tips. Another is sharing why one toy didn’t work at all for her but how another rocks her world. They’re talking morning sex and getting caught by their kids and how they figured out how to grab some privacy. Lube tips. Period sex talk. You name it, they share it.
On that night a few weeks ago, I could’ve excused myself and these women would’ve just kept talking and sharing and building each other up. And as I watched these ladies chat and laugh around my Boudoir, I realized that what Flirty Girl REALLY is is a conversation starter. A spark to that bag of fireworks. And when I see women pick up the baton from where I left it, after I’ve made them laugh and made them understand that I get their struggles and desires, I am filled with so much pride I think my sides might burst open.
Seth Godin, one of the smartest and most admired business gurus around, says “…people do not buy goods and services; they buy relations, stories and magic.”
You guys, I don’t sell lingerie and sex toys. I sell relations, stories and yes, most definitely, magic. What we have here…honest, funny, scary, inspiring conversations about how to make our lives better via sex…it’s lighting in a bottle! Those women were manifesting blinding lightning in my Boudoir that night. And it was a show of nature I couldn’t stop staring at. Where life takes me may be up in the air this year but something I know for damn sure? I’m looking forward to more lightning in 2017. Maybe it turns out my real job title isn’t Chief Flirty Girl but rather “Storm Chaser” 😉